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The final warning came from Outlook, which he never used. He opened it by accident. There was one email in the inbox. From: . Subject: You are the compressed file now.

He turned off the Dell. He unplugged it. He carried it to the garage, where it sits to this day, under a tarp next to a broken treadmill. Sometimes, at 3 AM, he swears he hears the faint sound of the Office Assistant—Clippy—but his voice is wrong.

Zane does not plug the computer back in. He writes all his essays by hand now. In cursive. With a pen that has no USB port.

Inside: Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, and one extra file:

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