Pooping Dog Script Apr 2026

Beat. Jamie peeks behind the bush.

Buster disappears behind the bush. Rustling sounds. Jamie hears a faint, satisfied “boof.”

Oh no. No, no. You had the perfect squat. Why did you abort?

Buster runs off with the leash. Jamie stumbles after. Pooping Dog Script

Buster stares into the middle distance. A single bird chirps. Buster turns around and faces Jamie directly, making intense eye contact.

You’re lucky you’re cute.

NO. WE JUST DID THIS.

(holding leash, checking watch) Buster. We’ve been circling this hydrant for seven minutes. It’s 6 AM. My coffee’s getting cold back in the car.

(deadpan) Yep. There it is. Right on my neighbor’s prized begonias. (sighs, pulls out a bag) This is love. This is what love looks like.

(whispering to self) This is it. This is the spot. Rustling sounds

Buster emerges, tail high, looking proud. He does a little zoomie.

Buster ignores Jamie completely. He sniffs in a tight circle, then squats slightly—then stops. Resumes sniffing.

Don’t look at me when you do it. That’s weird. You had the perfect squat