"We need to talk about him . You know who I mean. The one who left you on read for six hours but posted three Instagram stories? That’s not a red flag, babe. That’s a pink clown wig . Honk honk."

"Okay, stop scrolling. Stop it. Did I say you could look away?"

"My Mekinya Pink rule number seven: If he wanted to, he would. And since he didn't... DoorDash yourself some sushi and watch me play Stardew Valley until 3 AM. ID 44953121 in the comments if you need a digital hug."