Less destruction. More intention. Still very loud. Final achievement unlocked: “You Read the Patch Notes.” Reward: A single iron ingot and the quiet respect of the dev team. End of story.
Version 1.0.0 was nicknamed “The Cataclysm Update” – not because of new content, but because every swing of the Simple Hammer triggered a physics calculation so massive it would desync entire continents. A player named “GregTheForged” accidentally deleted a public Minecraft server’s Nether region just by testing the hammer’s right-click ability. Simple Hammers v1.0.1 -BP-
The dev team, two sleep-deprived engineers and a sentient coffee machine, knew something had to change. Less destruction
The physics engine was rewritten in 48 hours. Hammers now clip through only one layer of world geometry instead of all 64. Mountains are safe. Villagers are no longer launched into orbit. Except for one. A single villager named “Bob” in the test build achieved escape velocity. Bob is now a celestial easter egg. The Secret Lore (Found in the game’s config files) // Simple Hammers v1.0.1 -BP- // Hidden note from Dev#2: // The first hammer was never meant to be balanced. // It was meant to remind us that chaos is fun. // But chaos doesn't pay AWS bills. // So here we are. // // If you're reading this, go outside. Touch grass. // Or don't. Just don't swing a hammer at the moon. // // -BP stands for "Barely Playable" but marketing said "Balanced Patch." Epilogue: The Forge Remains After the patch dropped, the player count stabilized. Servers stopped crying. Builders returned. And somewhere, in a deleted chunk of the Nether, a phantom echo of Greg’s original hammer swing still reverberates—a ghost in the machine, waiting for someone to mod it back in. Final achievement unlocked: “You Read the Patch Notes
Enter . The Patch Notes (Narrative Form) 1. The Force Rework (aka “No More Planetary Annihilation”) The original hammer damage scaled with player velocity, swing angle, and local humidity (a joke that became a nightmare). Now, damage is flat. A hammer always hits like a hammer—not like a falling star. Legacy bug fixed: Swinging from a moving boat no longer generates infinite kinetic energy. 2. The Echo Swing Fix In v1.0.0, the hammer’s shockwave duplicated itself if you sneezed while clicking. Players exploited this to create “sound walls” that crashed servers. The Echo Swing is now capped at 3 simultaneous instances. Community quote preserved in code comments: “I made a bass drop that unplugged my neighbor’s fridge.” 3. Material Degradation (BP Feature) Hammers now degrade realistically. An iron hammer shatters after 200 heavy swings. A diamond one lasts 1,200 swings but loses 1% sharpness (ironic, since it’s a hammer) per 50 swings. Players cried. The devs added a “Repair Station” blueprint as a silent apology. 4. The Greg Clause A new hidden achievement: “I Was There” – awarded to any player who loads a world where v1.0.0 once ran. It gives a broken, non-functional hammer skin called “The Echo of Greg.”
Here is the complete story for , written as a patch note narrative and developer log. Simple Hammers v1.0.1 -BP- “The Balanced Patch” Developer Log Entry #47 – The Day the Forges Went Quiet The first version of Simple Hammers was a beautiful disaster. It was raw. It was loud. It let a level-one blacksmith one-shot a mountain. Players loved it for exactly three days. Then the servers started crying.